My name is Meredith Stepka & my mission was inspired by two wonderful, godly women: my mom, and Joni Earekson Tada. The LORD used Mom to encourage me to share my story with others and to search for opportunities to help those in need. Joni inspired me through reading her incredible autobiography, as I went through my own personal crisis of faith through the summer of 2019. I had been a Christian almost all my life, since I was six years old. I had my share of test & trials as I grew up and into the faith, to be sure. My endurance was especially tried for almost 4 years, while my husband & I were trying to conceive. In my late 20’s, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), an endocrine disorder that wreaks havoc on a woman’s reproductive hormones. It was an uphill battle from the start, filled with hidden pitfalls and struggles, every step of the way. We had followed the calendar for months & months. We saw specialists, tried fertility treatments, and struggled through the announcements of family members & friends getting pregnant. What rocked me to the core was getting the news, in July 2019, that I had Complex Hyperplasia with Atypia. In plain English: not only did I have dysfunctional ovaries, but my uterus was a hot mess, too, riddled with pre-cancerous cells. That condition typically presents itself in women who have passed childbearing age, not someone who’s 33, still hoping to conceive the child they’ve always dreamed of… A full hysterectomy is the typical course of treatment to cure the problem- which is exactly what we ended up deciding to do. I had my procedure in September 2019.
For many months, I was so heartbroken and discouraged. I blamed God for allowing me to have PCOS, for the 4-year fight to conceive, for feeling competitive with family & friends who had gotten pregnant so easily, even with their own PCOS diagnosis. I asked how come: when I had been so faithful, since I was six years old, to follow in His ways the best I could? How come it was so hard, and then impossible, for me to get pregnant when I had stayed a virgin until after I got married? Why, when I’d prayed for a baby, and seemed to have what it took emotionally & spiritually to be a mother, wouldn’t my body support a conception or a pregnancy? And, if I wasn’t meant to have children all along, what was the point of those years of trying? Why did my husband & I have to grow so weary with tracking, arguing, testing, and all of it? God knew I was a black & white, cut & dry kind of person. He knew I could accept a flat: NO! even if it was heartbreaking… I wanted to know what I did wrong, or didn’t do right? The ultimate question: Why me? Why me? Why me? echoed through my mind constantly.
And then, the floodgates opened:
The thought occurred to me- why not you? Hmm…
I thought of Job, from the Old Testament, who was allowed to be tested repeatedly. First, with the loss of his property; all he owned. Then, with the loss of all his children, in one tragic disaster. After that, his health diminished. His wife, instead of standing by him & praying together, told him to curse God and die! His three friends came to him, and again, rather than praying for him and offering comfort, they picked his life apart, and tried to figure out what Job had done to deserve such punishment.
Then I remembered the verse in Psalms, “I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Ps. 139:14) followed by the thought: I’m fearfully & wonderfully made… even with PCOS, even without pregnancy.
Over the years, I read the New Testament passage from the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippians, “…for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him (Christ) who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:11-13) Also, Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Again, from the Apostle Paul, 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10, “… to keep me from exalting myself there was given me a thorn in the flesh… to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
All of these precious, precious passages drew me to the Living Water of the Spirit. It was as though I’d been dying of thirst, struggling to survive for so long on so-called merits I thought I’d achieved, and expected so much I thought I deserved. I knew in my head that my God would supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory in Christ (Phil. 4:19), but these Truths sunk deep in my heart. I finally felt the Peace that passes understanding. The LORD saw fit to show me and remind me that His grace was, indeed, sufficient for me. He reminded me, just as He reminded Job, after Job cried out to Him in chapter 38, that God, the Creator of all the universe, made everything, including me. When was the last time I hung a star in the sky? Or called a species into existence? When did I ever control the falling or the rain, or determine the course of history?
Using His Word & through the power of The Spirit, God wrenched me from my Slough of Despond. He showed me how, like the Prodigal Son, I was squandering the riches He’d given me, while I wallowed in the filth & mire of bitterness, jealousy, selfishness & pride. He opened my eyes to the fact that He had supplied ALL my needs: He had given me a Savior!!! Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life for me, and died the death I deserve for my sins: That means- I get the credit for that perfectly lived life. And, I get to see God, as He is, in all His Splendor & Glory for ETERNITY in Heaven!
And even MORE:
Rather than dwelling on what I’m not able to be or do, God opened my eyes to all I GET to do, starting with the great & terrible privilege it is to mourn for the child/children I will never have. I am so honored & thankful that the LORD has made me deeply aware of how precious the sanctity of life is, from the moment of conception. I GET to see, every day, how He’s made my husband, parents, co-workers, friends, and ALL people in His image. I GET to be a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, sister, Auntie, caregiver, co-worker, friend & neighbor. I GET the honor & privilege of reflecting the glorious Light of Christ! And the greatest of ALL gifts & privileges: I GET to look forward to & GET to spend an Eternity with Jesus, in the Presence of Almighty God. I GET to see Him as He is!
My sincerest hope & prayer is that you GET the very same wonderful privilege. I hope you will respond to the call of Christ; invite Him into your heart & give Him control of your life. There is nothing & no one more precious than Jesus! Acknowledge you were created by God, in the image of God; acknowledge that, like all humanity, you’re a sinner & ask His forgiveness. Acknowledge that you’re in desperate need of THE Savior, who is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life; that nothing you can do will earn you a way into an Eternity in Heaven. And then, spend the rest of your life, embracing Jesus as Lord; dive head first into His Word and devote yourself to prayer & giving! I will pray, with all my heart, that you do! 💖💖 And if you need help to better understand receiving Christ as your Savior, or are in need of prayer, please contact me!
A Cheerful Giver 